I want one of these...

...really bad!

In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness, Dyson has agreed to give away one of their Dyson Vacuum Cleaners in the Pink color. Actually, they have been sponsoring these give-aways on several sites/mommy blogs. Check out this post at The Domestic Diva Blog or click on the Dyson button in the side bar for details about this one. But hurry! It ends today.

**edit - The perky pink Dyson goes to someone called SJ.   I'll have to wait for Christmas.  A girl can dream can't she?**

Daily Reading from John Eldredge

We Find Our Tears
10/25/2007

Part of the reason women are so tired is because we are spending so much energy trying to “keep it together.” So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance. “I’m gonna harden my heart,” sang Rindy Ross. “I’m going to swallow my tears.” A terrible, costly way to live your life. Part of this is driven by fear that the pain will overwhelm us. That we will be consumed by our sorrow. It’s an understandable fear – but it is no more true than the fear we had of the dark as children. Grief, dear sisters, is good. Grief helps to heal our hearts. Why, Jesus himself was a “man of sorrows, acquainted with grief.” (Isa. 53:3)

Let the tears come. Get alone, get to your car or your bedroom or the shower and let the tears come. Let the tears come. It is the only kind thing to do for your woundedness. Allow yourself to feel again. And feel you will – many things. Anger. That’s okay. Anger’s not a sin (Eph. 4:26). Remorse. Of course you do. Fear. Yes, that makes sense. Jesus can handle the fear as well. In fact, there is no emotion you can bring up that Jesus can’t handle. (Look at the Psalms – they are a raging sea of emotions).

Let it all out.

As Augustine wrote in his Confessions, “The tears . . . streamed down, and I let them flow as freely as they would, making of them a pillow for my heart. On them it rested.” Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. It mattered. You mattered. That’s not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there – the tears of a little girl who is lost and frightened. The tears of a teenage girl whose been rejected and has no place to turn. No one understands. The tears of a woman whose life has been hard and lonely and nothing close to her dreams.

Let them come.

(Captivating, 101-102)

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Looking for something to do?

I know at least a few of my friends/readers who would be interested in the Art Show on Main 2007 taking place this weekend. Check it out over at livingpalm's blog here .

that just bites

Clinton has his 15 year college reunion this weekend. I'll be with him. Most of these people don't know me. I have 3 very large, very red mosquito (or perhaps spider) bites above my right eyebrow. Honestly. Don't I have enough to worry about?

Refreshed

I've been thirsty lately. Spiritually thirsty.

This was crystal clear, cool water this morning.

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. - Ephesians 3:20

"...working within us..." He is so patient!

"...deeply and gently within us." He is so loving, so devoted!

All I had to do was invite Him into my life. He gave me this and so much more. Himself- His Spirit living in and through me. That takes my breath away this morning and I am renewed...refreshed.

Absent

4 kids, school starting, family and family events, traveling, etc. all have contributed to my recent absence. And, I started another blog. Actually, I moved our family site and have been maintaining it more faithfully. This was prompted by my dad's trip. The site makes it easy for far away (and not so far away) friends and family to see pics and read about the latest happenings here. And, it is easier and a bit more flexible than sending out mass e-mails. Now that it is hosted by WordPress I don't have to wait to use Clinton's Mac either! Why WordPress? Because I read some blogs powered by WordPress and like what I see. I wanted to give a try for myself. And - it is free just like Blogger.

So, I'm still here. God and I are o.k. - I just don't have the time, energy or frankly the will to put it all into writing for others to read right now. My attentions and energies are happily diverted in the direction of my family. My blogging energy is currently being channeled in the direction of our family site. I'm not posting the address in a effort to keep it more private. I want to be able to put pictures and stories about my kids on there without having to worry about the creeps that troll mommy blogs looking for kid pictures. Unfortunately, our main computer died a few weeks ago. I'm missing many e-mail addresses. So friends, if you didn't hear from me with our new family site address, please get in touch with me and I'll pass it right along.

I'll be back...promise! :)

"It's only 180 days"

"I'm so depressed. I just ate 5 cupcakes. Didn't even chew. I just swallowed them like pills."

That is a quote from one of my sweetest -and funniest- friends, Kerry. She wrote it in an e-mail to me just days before we moved. I thought of it because it pretty much describes me. If I had 5 cupcakes right now.

In about an hour my Dad will board a plane for Iraq and won't return for 6 months. The last time he went away for 6 months was during Desert Storm. I was in high school. It's been more than 15 years but I recognize the heavy knot twisting in my stomach.

A friend and I were talking about his upcoming departure and said, "I guess I didn't think about...well...guys his age having to go." That was cute. It made me realize that most people assume that if you are going to Iraq you are in the military and are probably younger. My dad is a civilian and has worked in the field of intelligence ever since he left the Army as a young man.

He didn't have to go. He wants to go. He told my girls about it in ways they could understand. "I'm going to help the soldiers and to help the war be over sooner." He is going to make a difference and I believe that he can. My dad works at things that are purposeful. He is not willing to give his time to efforts for the sake of effort alone. He demands results. I respect that.

I believe in him. I'm proud of him. It still has been so hard to say goodbye. We were with my parents, brother, sister-in-law and niece this past weekend in Virginia. We all had such a good time together. Clinton, the kids and I left Monday evening. It was so hard not to just hang on his neck and sob "Don't go!" I've been trying to figure out why I feel this way. Feel so strongly. I mean, when I was in high school, he was still the only man in my life. My daddy. Now I have a wonderfully committed, loving husband who is the only man I really need in my life.

It came to me this evening when he called one last time on his way to the airport. We talked for a minute and I made him laugh out loud. He talked to each of the girls and then we got back on for one last goodbye. The words started to stick in my throat. He did the same thing he did on my wedding day. He spoke lovingly and reassuringly through his own tears. On that day it was, "You're going to do great. You look beautiful." Today it was, "It's going to be o.k. I'll be back before you know it. It's only 180 days."

So, as I sat on my steps crying I realized how far we have come, my dad and I. In some ways I have felt closer to him. Little things like being able to make him laugh seem huge to me - as if he is finally letting me into his world that he protected so fiercely for so many years. And, watching him with my daughters has let me feel like he is a part of my life in a way I didn't experience as a child. So, all these developments in our relationship - all these warm fuzzies - and now the big empty gap. Maybe that's why it has been so difficult to say goodbye.

I'm not sure what will happen in the next 6 months but I can know that God does. He knows just how everything will go. The girls have had some sad moments since we've been back from Virginia. We just keep reminding them to pray for PopPop. To keep placing him in God's hands. We pray His protection, His strength, His will, His wisdom and His blessing over my dad.

We helped the girls make a little tribute video for my parent's anniversary. We made it with my dad's trip in mind. They each have a copy and Dad was able to take his with him.
The girls sang this at the end of the video.

The Lord bless you and keep you.
The Lord make His face shine upon you.
And give you peace, and give you peace
And give you peace forever.