Yes. I'm still living.

Recently, I've been trying to figure out what to do with this abandoned blog. No conclusions have been met. Should it be shut down? Should I start again in some new direction? Should I leave it standing here as some monument to what God has done? Many more questions. Very little time to seek the answers.

New, blog-distracting happenings in the past couple...um...years.

Homeschooling.

Homeschooling our 6 year old.

Tending the hearts and minds of our 4 beautiful, talented, we-wanna-be-in-your-face girls.

They are growing so fast. Changing in so many ways. I don't want to miss a thing.

Currently I'm wrestling with God. Wanting His blessing but still white-knuckle gripping my own way. Something He has brought across my path, something that has loosened my fingers a bit - One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. I can't recommend it enough.

What is going on with me? You really wanna know? Ok - here goes - in rough chronological order because in our house many things seem to happen simultaneously whether we like it or not.

• Returned from vacation with a sick child.

• Laundry.

• Celebrated Husband's birthday.

• Hosted In-laws for said revelry.

• Attended a beautiful & fun wedding.

• Laundry.

• Have been listening to Natalie Grant's Relentless - especially track 3 - lots.

• Began plucking through an entire van load of Stuff. It seemed to multiply itself as it filled about half of our rather large dining room. The Stuff is all 13+ years old. When we moved from MD to OH six months after our wedding we left a bunch of Stuff behind in my in-laws attic. They graciously loaded it all up and brought it to us. The Stuff is, but not limited to, never-been-used wedding gifts, trophies, H.S. & college yearbooks, college text books, childhood paraphernalia etc. etc. I was thrilled to learn I have a huge, oval, covered roaster! Funny how I'm sure I wasn't nearly so thrilled 13 & 1/2 years ago.

• Laundry.

• Have been listening to Coldplay's Viva la Vida - lots.

• Apparently I have donated my dining room to host The JC Museum. Pictures and further description to come later on our family blog. Our eldest is the curator. The items on display are all from The Stuff. Evidently Clinton and I are living artifacts.

• Nursed another sick child through a fever and now am constantly saying "go blow your nose!"

• Trying not to be gleeful about my eldest having limited vocal abilities due to laryngitis.

• Making lots of all-better tea several times a day x 4.

• Various cleaning and purging projects around the house. The largest taking place in the basement/home office/play room/pit of dispair. um yeah.

• Laundry.

• In the process of packing up the two oldest for a week at camp.

• In the process of packing up the two youngest to go with Nana & PopPop for the week.

• YES! All of them. Whoohoo!

• Preparing for Super-Sister(in-law)-Sarah to arrive and work her mad purging, organizing, and-knows-how-to-have-fun-while-doing-it skilz in my home for the same week that all my monster-mess-makers beautiful children are gone!!!

• Dodged a bat in the basement. Screamed like a little girl before I ran up the stairs, slammed the stair door and waited until Clinton gave the all-clear. I'm brave like that.
  

• Laundry.

So, what have you been up to?

The Shack - William P. Young

I'm afraid if I say too much I'll give too much away. Or, worse yet, by telling you so emphatically to read it, you will become less inclined to do so.

I'll take the risk. Buy or borrow a copy and read it. Do it now.

Some things to consider/remember:
Check your dogma at the door.
Prepare for a creative allegory, evocative of deep emotion and deep thinking.
It is a work of fiction originally written for a private audience, the author's children.
Read the Forward even if you normally don't.

Some quotes that I thought were particularly beautiful.

"So many believe that it is love that grows, but it is the knowing that grows and love simply expands to contain it. Love is just the skin of knowing."

"It is not the nature of love to force a relationship but it is the nature of love to open the way."

It seems much easier to talk about this book rather than write about it. I'm still internalizing. I do know that I will never look at some things the same again. It was humbling and sometimes shocking to see so much of myself on the pages. Even more powerful were the moments when the writer invited me to see God in ways I've never imagined before. It is for relationship we were created. First with Him and then with one another. That is beautifully simple yet we add the (as another reviewer stated) "...do's and don't that distort a relationship into a religion..." and complicate it all.

So, in an effort to stop complicating...
Read it. I'd love to know what you think.

Waiting

Are you one of my many 3 readers waiting for a new post? Well, here's a story about waiting that I posted on my family blog in January. I've debated over posting it here. Too much information? But, in the end I thought it was too good an example of my day-to-day experience for me not to share with all.

There are many people in my life who are waiting. Among them, my friend Tiff and her family are waiting for news on a potential job that would result in relocation. My neighbors are joyfully awaiting the birth of their first baby sometime soon this month. My family is waiting for my dad to return from Iraq. I do not wish to diminish the worthiness of their noble waiting. But I was afforded a new perspective on waiting today via my not-more-than 3 years and 1 month old.

The three older girls were off to school. Clinton had kissed me goodbye and was well on his way to work. Smallest had gotten up but decided to play in her room. I puttered around with laundry and at the computer when I heard her yelling. She had shut her door, essentially locking herself in. Upon her rescue we headed to the kitchen to make breakfast. But first I needed to make a quick pit-stop.

I scurried to the half-bath off the kitchen. In my haste I failed to notice the empty roll. A quick check under the sink and all around revealed absolutely no more toilet paper.

I called her name.

Head peeking around the door, "Whu' Momma?"

"Could you please go get me some toilet paper?" and I proceeded to describe the 3 fresh rolls sitting on the hamper upstairs in my bathroom.

"O.K.!" And off she went. She didn't return, at least not right away. I called her name twice. The second time I could hear her coming down the back stairs talking to herself. She appeared in the bathroom.

"I can't find it."

I described the location again trying hard to mask my frustration with a sing-songy-you-can-do-this-and-it's-gonna-be-so-great sort of tone. Hoping that would be just the encouragement she needed I sent her back.

Her little feet carried her to the kitchen were she seemed to get distracted by something. I called her name in an effort to re-direct. I heard her reach the kitchen stairs where it seemed she stopped to converse with the cat.

I called her name again. Then I didn't hear anything. I heard nothing for a very long time. I called her name several times.

Then I heard her hurrying in my direction, little whispers mixed with breathing. She poked her head in the door. I could only see her little smiling eyes as she shoved her fist toward me. She was very proud. She opened her small hand and there were 3 whispers of toilet paper waded together - not the size of a quarter.

Breathe. In. Out. Smile. "O.K....Thank you....Could you go get the big toilet paper?" I asked as I pounded tapped the empty dispenser.

"I can't find it."

"Yes you can." And I described it one last time. She even asked a few questions as if to be sure she was heading in the right direction.

Off she went. Never to be seen or heard from again. I called. And I called. And I called. All the while looking again under the sink and devising ways of dealing with the situation without her help. After what felt like an hour - but this whole thing probably lasted a total of 10-15 minutes - I succumbed to the hopelessness of my plight.

I dealt with it. The details I'll spare.

Walking into the kitchen I saw that the stair door was closed. I opened it. Nothing. I couldn't even hear her. Deciding not to call her and not even to mention it I began making breakfast.

Silently but swiftly she appeared in the kitchen. Proudly offering me her little fresh roll of toilet paper.

"Thank you. But it's too late." I said as I took it from her and went to put it on the bathroom sink. She followed me explaining something about all the rolls falling out of a bag (what bag!?) and how she had to put them all back. (you had to put them all back but you can't seem to put a single toy away without being told!? - these thoughts I kept to myself)

Later as we sat side by side eating our scrambled eggs and toast she chirped, "I have to go poopy." As I helped her little tush onto the potty I turned to see the toilet paper on the counter. I would be lying if I said I didn't imagine myself picking it up...

...and disappearing.

Speechless

...from the Tennessean

Steven Curtis Chapman’s youngest child died Wednesday evening after being struck by a car driven by her teenage brother in the driveway of the family’s Williamson County home.

Maria, one of the Christian singer’s six children, was taken by LifeFlight to Vanderbilt Hospital, which confirmed the death, according to Laura McPherson, a spokeswoman for the Tennessee Highway Patrol.

The 5-year-old was hit by an SUV driven by her teenage brother, she said. Police did not give the driver’s name.

The teen was driving a Toyota Land Cruiser down the driveway of the rural home at about 5:30 p.m. and several children were playing in the area, McPherson said. He did not see Maria in the driveway before the vehicle struck her, she said.

“It appears to be a terrible accident,’’ McPherson said.

No charges are expected, she said. The accident was witnessed by two other children; the entire family was home at the time, McPherson said. ...more

We may not know them but we can pray as if we do.

Freak Flag

I <3 David Cook.

Didn't miss a show.
Liked him from the beginning.
Actually voted last night for the first time ever.
When they announced him as the winner I squealed like...I was 35.

I know. Many of you would have never thought this of me.
I'm lettin' my Freak Flag fly, baby.
This does classify as irrational.

Mother's Day Bliss

What could be a sweeter gift on Mother's Day than seeing your children do this?

Oh. And being on a sunny little island on the St. Lawrence River didn't hurt either.